PC/Rwanda GAD

Celebrating Gender Differences by Sara A.

Sara Aubrey Allen

District: Ngoma, Eastern Province

My intermediate English class always ends with a debate. The debate topic was chosen by my smart and empowered female colleague. She wanted to argue against our open-minded and sweet, male counterpart “Women are stronger than men.” She stressed that women work extremely hard to sustain and protect the health of the family, and men are selfish in nature and tend to spend the majority of the money and time in the bars. He argued that women are physically weaker, and thus in need of men to assist in the necessary tasks of life. She said that the only time men are stronger physically, is when women are pregnant. He agreed, and admitted that he viewed this as a flaw in women, making men stronger. As passionate and opinionated as I am about this topic, I waited until they both felt finished debating before I voiced my opinion. I argued for neither side, and instead of chose to focus on the value of their differences and the benefit of working together. I stressed that I believed that the world could be a healthier and more productive place if we recognized the importance of equality between the sexes. We discussed how entrenched the Rwandan culture is in defining what the roles are for men and women. Men in this culture never cook or clean. The tend livestock. It seems that cultivating is a shared task. Women in this culture always seem to have a baby strapped to their back throughout all of their work. I told them that in many parts of America, families are redefining the roles in the family. In extreme cases, men stay at home and take care of domestic chores, and women have jobs. In less extreme cases, men might enjoy cooking or doing laundry. While this was a bit shocking for my male co-worker to comprehend, my female co-worker lit up with the possibility of having a stay at home husband. While many Rwandans strongly believe in a sedimentary nature of their culture, many young Rwandans are inspired by the evolving nature of many developed countries.

The phrase, “It's just our culture,” is used often here in Rwanda by diverse people and in response to a diversity of topics. Being an America whose culture is so incredibly diverse and constantly changing, I don't think I will ever able to truly understand this. I have a constant battle inside with this because I can't help but initially see it simply as a cop-out to justify reluctance to change. Empathy and respect to their culture is always something I strive for, but it is difficult to do when I notice oppression. Many women here, as in America, are content to be domesticated, but what I am fighting for is for their ability to choose. Women everywhere deserve the access to an education and family planning. They should be able to decide their futures just as men are. 

  While discussing with newly acquainted  male Peace Corps volunteers I admitted that  I was in GAD and a feminist. I could immediately see them tense up a bit, which tends to the usual reaction. I followed by saying that I don't want them to be scared, that I love men, and I appreciate a good debate, and that I promise to not get angry. Still, a couple guys seemed a little unconvinced. I was pleased that one seemed to light up, and said actually he would love to discuss. He told me that he admitted to another volunteer who is a feminist that he loves to date Rwandan women because, “they take great care in preparing a home.” He told me that he thinks it is beautiful that when she wakes-up the first thing she does is clean his shoes. He said that he never asks her to, but that he showers her in appreciation afterward. There was something really loving in his voice and his eyes as he described this. The feminist that he once admitted this two said that he was being “chauvinistic.” My impression was quite different than hers. I felt his sincerity and love he had towards her. He appreciated what his girlfriend does, and how she makes him feel supported. I told him that I think that what she does is lovely. Rwandan women are incredibly motherly to everyone. I told him that I think being a mother is one of the most important, exhausting mentally and physically, job anyone can have the pleasure or curse of having. I told him that there is no way that I would ever be a housewife, but that doesn't mean that I don't respect women who do. I will admit it, I tend to poke fun at them a lot, but despite my jokes, I do think that it is a beautiful thing to wish to support one's family so fully.

With love, compassion, and respect of both sexes with their important strengths and differences, I believe we can together work towards gender equality and development around the world. A teenage Rwandan boy turned to me and asked me how I thought Rwanda could develop as a nation. I said to put it simply, “Read every chance you can, and treat women as your equal.” After I said it I realized that I believe it is true for everyone everywhere.