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Aimee Carlson
Gakenke District
Northern Province
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Everywhere in the world, no matter the culture, no matter
the country, there are different expectations placed on people based on their gender.
In the United States, boys are expected to be strong and emotionless; they
should like manly colors like blue or green and they should dream of becoming
doctors, engineers, or lawyers. Boys should want to play sports, or at least to
watch them on TV with their dad; they should like to catch bugs, frogs, and
snakes; they should have toy cars, trucks, and tractors.
Girls on the other hand are expected to be weak, gentle, and
quiet. They are allowed to express their emotions, but that can also be held
against them. Girls should want to be princesses, who like colors such as pink
or purple; they should want to be mothers when they grow up, though being a
teacher, hair stylist, or event planner is also acceptable. Girls should have
all kinds of dolls, enjoy playing dress up, and want to play games like Pretty
Pretty Princess.
Of course, these expectations are fluid and ever changing.
The defined lines within which genders are supposed to fit in are a little more
blurry these days. More and more women are joining the science field;
sometimes, it’s the father that stays at home to care for the kids. It’s
becoming more common for boys to also want a doll or to wear something that is
a ‘girly’ color; girls also play in the dirt, digging for worms, or dress up
like superheroes. However, there are obviously still expectations, and those
who challenge gender norms, more often than not, receive some backlash.
Unsurprisingly, such expectations have followed us to our
sites here in Rwanda. We have new expectations to follow though, new customs to
adhere to, or if we feel comfortable doing so, to challenge. Female and male
PCVs adopt different behaviors in the village because of what is acceptable
according to Rwandan culture and what roles genders here are expected to fill.
We females don’t leave our houses after dark, and if we
happen to be returning home after the sun has gone down, we frequently are
given or request an escort. We side-eye any message we get from a Rwandan man
after work hours, or hesitate to give out our digits at all. Our knees are
always covered, that is if we even feel comfortable showing any part of our
legs. At home, we may wear shorts while alone and doing chores, but we always
have igitenge (a panel of fabric) on hand to wrap around ourselves for when a
visitor inevitably stops by. Some of us put more effort into our appearance
than we would in the States; we want to fit into our community and might go the
extra mile to always have perfectly styled hair or have a fancier outfit than
just jeans and a t-shirt.
If we are invited to go out with co-workers at the end of
the work day, we check to make sure there is another female in the group, preferably
also unmarried. Since it’s not culturally acceptable for a single woman to be drinking
at bars, we are hesitant to drink in public at site, regardless of the fact
that we are foreigners. Some of us may feel comfortable enjoying a glass of
wine or a bottle of beer in the safety of our own home. However, most of us are
careful when disposing the boxes or bottles, taking them to the nearest
regional town, including even the bottle caps.
Male PCVs often don’t have to change their behavior quite as
drastically. It is acceptable for them to walk around after dark. Many even
feel comfortable going out for a beer at a bar or buying a small bottle of gin
at a village boutique. They don’t have to be so cautious when a community
member asks for their phone number. If they wear a pair of shorts that show off
their knees, it’s not as shocking to Rwandans.
However, that’s not to say that they don’t also deal with a
change in expectations. Some Rwandans are surprised to learn that male PCVs
know how to cook or do their own laundry. They may even get several offers to
have an umukozi (somone who cleans, cooks, and does laundry) at their house. Their
clothes must be wrinkle-free and look clean. Unless they are of the Protestant
Church, it is expected that men drink beer or gin, which is challenging for PCVs
who choose not to drink.
As PCVs, we are guests here in Rwanda. Thus, we make changes
to our behavior to fit these expectations rather than assuming our communities
will alter their customs to accommodate our culture. It is something that we
agreed to when we accepted our invitations to serve. Gender roles and
expectations are ingrained in society to the point where we may not even notice
them and having them challenged can sometimes be upsetting or offensive.
Therefore, this is an area where we need to practice extra caution in order to
be sensitive to our communities.
However, the second goal of Peace Corps is to share American
culture with host countries as a part of cultural exchange. Because of this,
and because our own gender roles are ingrained in us, we may choose certain expectations
or behaviors to challenge. Some females may where pants rather than a skirt or
they may feel comfortable occasionally going to a bar. Men may decline all
offers for an umukozi and do their own household chores. It all depends on what
is important to us as an individual and what we feel our communities would be
responsive to. After all, they have welcomed us into their homes, it’s not our
place to disrespect them or expect them to completely change our ways. We have
to find the balance between being culturally appropriate and being true to
ourselves.
