A Graduation Celebration Gone Wrong by Pamela B.

Pamela Boulware

H3, Muhanga District, Southern Province

Imagine March 16, 2012, graduation, celebrations and alcohol. Some may say this is a wonderful combination but I witnessed differently. On this faithful evening around 5pm, a group of graduates, from the Catholic Institute of Rwanda in Gitarama, and their families gathered to celebrate their graduation at a small but enticing restaurant in town. One group particularly caught my attention. There was one young man, assumed the graduate, based on his graduation attire, with family and a group of about seven of his friends. The restaurant had music playing softly in the background but when people started dancing, the volume was turned up. I must admit, I tapped my toes to the beat from time to time.

There was one female waitress floating from table to table taking orders for mostly drinks. The restaurant creates a lounge feel so there were no buffets. She greeted me many times showing her enthusiasm on seeing me in what had been a while to her but maybe two weeks max. When our conversation finished she left me to return to take care of the graduation party. After a few more rounds of beer and maybe an hour and a half later the party asked for their bill. After being focused on my work for a portion of that hour and a half, I look up to find the waitress pointing her finger at the graduate, now seated at a small table with an older woman and a man. He began to slap the waitress’ hand out of his face. The older man tried to move the waitress back while the woman looked on. The graduate rose and began a full out argument with the waitress swinging the bill in her face. I presume the argument was about the bill.

Another young man wobbled over to the argument with beer in hand and joined the argument. The waitress turned to him and began pointing her finger at him as well. I must admit the waitress was holding her own in the argument and did not seem intimidated at all. The graduate walked away to rejoin his table while his friend and the waitress continued their spat. The waitress then walked away. She return a little while later with what presumed to be her boss. The boss seated himself at the table with the graduate and his party; they talked for over thirty minutes. The issue apparently did not get resolved because the graduate jumped up and called someone on his cell phone. A little while later three men came to speak with the boss. The waitress carried on helping other people but every time she walked by something was said to her by the graduate and his party but one comment must have rubbed her the wrong way because she began pointing and yelling again. The boss put an arm between the pair but that was no help as the waitress continued her spat.

One of the men that were called by the graduate removed his jacket and shoved the boss while yelling and pointing at the waitress. The boss kept his cool but then the man turned to direct his anger toward the waitress and jumped at her, as if to hit her. The boss was able to stop the action as he caught the man. The graduate held the man back along with two other men. The waitress gave a ‘come on’ gesture with her hand and was yelling. She showed no fear and did not back down. The man kept jumping at her. Then a friend of the graduate came up behind the waitress and pushed her in the back. That’s when she turns around and slapped him in the face. The bartender came and subdued the friend before he could retaliate.

To make a long story short, one of the men paid the bill and they left. Let us take a step back. One young girl held her own against men that thought they could intimidate her by crowding her space and yelling. When she was met with force she retailiated with no fear in her eyes. No other woman working in that restaurant attempted to restrain her or come to her defense. When they were met with harsh words from an individual from the party, they said a few words then walked off. I must say, I was shocked that so many men were out to get the waitress over a bill, initially. Of course I do not know what all was said during these arguments but they did not show any sympathy for the waitress, but treated her as if she were a man they were arguing with. I want to be as bold and say that alcohol had a play on the escalated actions toward the waitress but I can’t be sure, as I was an onlooker that eventually left. The actions of the wait staff leaves a question of mine unanswered. Here, if a woman were seen in an argument, being pestered by or in a fight with a man would she be helped or just stared at? What do you think and why?